Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
