I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
