is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
