i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
