Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
