I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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