i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
farters have to be the big spoon...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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