I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize