Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I could fuck to npr.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
