I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
