omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
