Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
