Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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