when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
