Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
