My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
