Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
