you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
