he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
