they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I met the friendliest cop last night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
