Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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