did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
