Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
