it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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