Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize