Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
