Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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