do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize