Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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