i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
