I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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