he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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