Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
