I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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