did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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