Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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