I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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