so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
