Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
