i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
