Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
