And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
