Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
