I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
