i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
