she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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