Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
