If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize