im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
