I'm pants shitting drunk right now
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
