There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have aggressive nipples.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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