Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
