never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
