just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
