so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
