I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
