oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
