There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
