Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
