That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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