My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
