actually, I'm a sock model
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
