I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
