You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
