She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
