People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
