Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
