Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
