You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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