i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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