Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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