I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
